Pointless and idle musings of Tone

My Blog Has Moved!!!!

2010-08-24T11:55:00.002+01:00

Hello All

I am no longer blogging here.

I am now blogging here!

Brian Pern 2

2010-07-13T13:12:00.003+01:00

The trailer for the soon to be uploaded Brian Pern series two was on the front page of Chortle yesterday. It's looks great. It stars (as always) Simon Day as Brian Pern and guest stars Paul Whitehouse, Michael Kitchen, Lucy Montgomery, Steve Burge and yours truly. It is Co written by Simon Day and Rhys Thomas. Here it is:

If the above video is massive and cut in half then go here to view it. The actual webisodes can be found at www.bbc.co.uk/comedy when they are out. Spread the word!

Danson's Blues

2010-07-12T19:58:00.006+01:00

Not posted for a while, but i have been wonderfully busy. When not busy I have been fiddling with my new Macbook, learning how to use Garageband and Final Cut. So for fun and learning I sampled some of my, Rhys and Steve's old homemade Danson sketches to build a ditty around. Then I cut it to some of the original video. It's silly and a bit 'video effect' heavy, but I am still learning.
Here it am:

Oh yeah, it's quite sweary, so don't show it to your Mum, or something.
Also, you should all be watching puppet sit-com MONGRELS (Tuesdays, BBC3, 10:30pm). It's funny, fresh and seems to be making some folk happy. Oh, and I'm in it. So watch it.
And finally, Shooting Stars returns this Tuesday which is always a good thing. Why not watch along like me, trying to spot if any of my questions/jokes made the cut (one would make me a happy man). I will tell you what jokes (if any) were mine on Twitter after the show.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Haiti

2010-02-17T16:33:00.005Z

Hello There. Thought I'd let you all know that I will be performing as part of comedy-rave act Wingnut at this marvelous event:

What a line up! What a venue! And it's all for a good cause. For more info and to book, head HERE

My Son!

2010-02-13T22:29:00.006Z

Hello there, let's have a catch up, eh?. Firstly, I have been a fan of the youtube video/music/film mash ups from Swede Mason for a while now. My good friend Hoppo re-introduced me to his work today with this lovely little thing:

But my absolute favourite of Swede's is this Arnie effort:

Sublime. I have now finished filming on the puppet based sit-com which I was acting in on and off since November. Have a month of writing ahead of me now until my next bit of filming, so expect more procrastination from me, leading to the posting of more videos like this:

I first encountered John when this video was tweeted by (I think) Robert Popper. I have become obsessed with him, every one I have shown the video to has also become obsessed with him. I urge you to look at his other youtube videos (The Oreo cookie Vs Bourbon biscuit test is the best and most surreal (watch to the end)) then you can become obsessed with John too. Oh yes, Rhys Thomas' sit-com pilot Above their Stations is finally getting a showing on BBC3 on the 22nd of Feb at 9:30pm. There is a funny trailer for it HERE
It stars Denis Lawson, Rhys Thomas, Simon Day, Ashley Madekwe, Luke Gell, Andrew Brooke and Dudley Sutton. And I am in it too. If you want to see this made into a full series, then you should join the facebook page HERE

And finally DOWN TERRACE goes from strength to strength, it has now won, two awards at Fantastic Fest, One at Raindance and a BIFA (I think that's it) for more info on the film go HERE

Right, bye for now

I'm back!

2009-12-07T13:38:00.011Z

Hello, just realised that I have not posted on here for an age. I have been quite busy, but that is no excuse. So just thought I'd post something before I pop up to the shops in Dalston. Firstly, this is my favourite thing to look at on the way to the shops:

And when I get to the shops, this friendly robot always helps me around:

That's enough about the shops. Since I last posted, DOWN TERRACE has been going great guns, it won a British Independent Film Award last night in fact. Details HERE

I made ten jars of these:

Have made a comedy drama for BBC2 and half a sit-com for BBC3, written all manner of sketches and things for various shows and made a comedy taster with my good friend Steve Burge, where this happend:

Oh dear. Time to go, Dalston waits for no man, will post again before Christmas I'm sure, but if not - Merry (ex)Mas!!!

Oh yes, almost forgot. I was interviewed by comedian Ian Todd for his podcast, which was a lot of fun. It can be found on Itunes HERE

Winner!

2009-10-15T00:52:00.004+01:00

Down Terrace has won:

Fantastic Fest - Best Picture &
Best Screenplay

And

Raindance - Best British Film

Brilliant! Well done and congratulations to all who sailed in her. I can't believe I was only filming my part for this just a few months ago. Woooh!

Good poster too.

And a very nice review here

WINGNUT - 15th Sept 09

2009-09-14T12:14:00.003+01:00

Doing this great rave/comedy night tomorrow, and once a month, every month after.

Featuring Holly Jane Shears, Tony from Essex (me), Shaun the Prawn and Waen Shepard. Should be much fun and it's only a fiver if you bring the above flyer.

Land of my fathers...

2009-09-14T12:08:00.003+01:00

Top Google news search for my home town of Wickford is.....

£75 fine if you don’t pick up dog’s mess

The rest of this important story here

My 50th post on here and it's a story about dog shit. Fitting.

Shave You - Video

2009-08-18T11:45:00.003+01:00

Here is a new video from myself and Steve Burge. It's another of our Sorry Ron, musical things.

Down Terrace - Teaser Trailer

2009-07-20T23:32:00.003+01:00

Hello film fans, here is a short teaser trailer for a new film I am in called DOWN TERRACE

Down Terrace teaser from ben wheatley on Vimeo.

It has been dubbed a 'kitchen sink slasher' and it looks pretty good to me, more details soon.

More of me

2009-06-17T11:42:00.003+01:00

I am still obsessed with finding other Tony Ways. Tried a google image search, slim pickings, but this is my favourite Tony Way (apart from me of course):

If you know or know of another Tony Way, please pass him (her?) on to me, I promise this is not the beginning of a Dave Gorman style book/TV show. It's just for my own personal records.

With Sails and I

2009-06-05T18:10:00.004+01:00

I am doing a bit at a gig for this brilliant project/cause this Sunday at the Pigalle club. Please come along and support John Hopkins and Richard Glover's mad, but fantastic adventure. To book tickets, donate, find out more (as I have been very vague), or just watch the first (very funny) video, click here

Name change...

2009-05-19T12:43:00.003+01:00

Remember a few weeks ago I told you about this film I'm in:

Well now it's called this:

Make your mind up Ben

Most boring youtube video in the world?

2009-05-15T10:33:00.004+01:00

The things people spend their time doing...

'Oh no! We only got half way to Southminster!' Fear not, here's part two:

Although boring, there is something quite relaxing and soothing about these videos.
I am fully aware though, that very few people who clicked the above videos would have actually watched them to the end. Those who did watch the whole of both videos, are now under the command of The Demon Headmaster (me)

Rock God

2009-05-13T19:17:00.003+01:00

Man! He is Awesome!

I shouldn't mock, that's about as good as I am on my guitar, but on the other hand, I don't film my pathetic plucking and then post it on youtube. So, Hahahahaha.....ha.

Thank you, keyboard cat

2009-05-13T17:32:00.002+01:00

I have a youtube cahnnel, which I put things I've made or been in on fairly infrequently. The videos normally get a fair bit of interest from my friends and family when I first put them up and they get a bit of passing trade from folk who are surfing around, but they mostly have no more than a couple of thousand views (mostly in the hundreds or tens). That is until I decided to have a go at making a 'Keyboard cat' video, suddenly I'm the 11th most viewed UK comedian on youtube (and rising) nearly 10,000 views in a few days. Wassalltdatabout? Eh? I'm far from the first person to make one of these and the clip I chose to make it with has been seen by everyone before. All I can say is 'God bless you Keyboard Cat' and bring on the next viral wave, so I can piggy back it. What will it be? Saxaphone doormouse? I hope so.
Here's my Keyboard cat by the way:

He hasn't directed any more traffic to my more carefully crafted proper videos though. The keyboard prick.

Trimming The Fat

2009-05-07T11:33:00.003+01:00

Thought I'd put a link up to a short film I did some acting in a little while ago. It's called Trimming The Fat and alongside me it stars Mathew Horne, Sinead Matthews, Ben Willbond, Vincent Franklin and Stephen Evans. It's Directed by Matt Huntley for Idiotlamp productions and BBC Films. Please take a look, it's funny...

Trimming The Fat

Hope you enjoy it, if you don't, then don't tell me.

Facial Flex - Just what the world needs

2009-05-06T11:28:00.005+01:00

"And you're going to feel it Karen, from your eye, all the way to your bra-line."

Suzie loves that it works her cheek area and her temple area, pity it hasn't worked her brain area. Hello!

Evil David Bowie

2009-04-28T11:24:00.002+01:00

Below is a very funny new musical video made by my good old friend Steve Burge.

THE EVIL DAVID BOWIE- WANKING THE WRONG WAY - watch more funny videos

Very good Mr Burge. I trust everone is voting funny, don't make me come find you.

The Easter Demise of Baby Basil + Chaz & Di

2009-04-27T18:21:00.010+01:00

Easter and a duckling in a hard hat called Baby Basil is given to me

We get along, but...

... he's made of chocolate...

... BASIL!!!...

...WHAT HAVE I DONE! GOD DAMN ME!

Looking at this calmed me a little:

It was given to me last Christmas and I love it, thanks Peter and Rachel.

Filum

2009-04-23T20:51:00.006+01:00

Next week, I will be mostly acting in this:

Directed by the multitalented Mr Wheatley and the script is very good. Brighton here I come! (for two days). I feel like I'm in Quadrophenia, but I'm not, I'm in Ben's film, which is still good.

This Morning, this morning

2009-04-23T11:41:00.003+01:00

What I just saw/heard on ITV1's This Morning at about 11.20 am:

FERN
"Next, we meet the girl who is turning to stone, well not really, she's just growing an extra skeleton"

I wish I was paid to speak sentences like that on daytime TV. Why would you leave?

Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! WHY!

2009-04-21T19:27:00.002+01:00

This youtuber must really love Thundercats. This video must've taken him forever to make:

It looks very impressive, but why? Why? Why?

The oddest email in my spam folder

2009-04-20T18:47:00.003+01:00

I have just found this very odd email in my spam folder. I have cut and paste it here exactly as I received it:

Christian Sex Questions - Most Commmon

Peteet to me
show details 2:18 PM (4 hours ago) Reply

To remember it. That's all. I thinkthat is when the same
applies to mr. Spragg. He too had the.

Christian Sex Questions - Most Commmon Learn more

Always at hand fuel is not required in this warm she saw
a gentleman hasten across the churchyard, carried from sidon,
what time the broad seapath attire which in the hurried
departure had been the names of people mrs. Oliver had written
nice must jump like so many grasshoppers. It took us diamond!
the selfmade man! The social climber! Him thoughtfully.
the old butler looked white women's and little children's
by preference, being it was not credible that by pure chance
she should extra dances. He said as tenderly as he could,
contrary to my poor but earnest counsel, to rais

And that's it. I was very intrigued so i clicked where it said learn more and found that it was a link to a site which sells sex drugs. This email must be the most ambiguous and un-targeted way to advertise Viagra and penis enlargements that I have ever seen. And I've seen a lot.

Cannon? Check. Ball? Check. Rick?!?!? Check.

2009-04-20T12:38:00.002+01:00

My good friend Glint put me on to this brilliant video clip from the Cannon & Ball Show (circa 82). It features a fantastic guest appearence by Rick Mayall. He and Ball are great together. Can't tell whether they love or loathe each other, but it's comedy gold.

Ball & Mayall, the greatest comedy duo that never was.

My name nemesis, sort of

2009-04-17T15:15:00.008+01:00

My name's Tony Way, here's the other (an)T(h)ONY WAY:

I'm much funnier than him!
I've come over all Dave Gorman, I'm going to find some more Tony Ways on the Google (Anthonys are also allowed, my game my rules).

Found some (2) there is an Anthony Waye who exec produced some Bond Films (that's impressive)
And there is a street in Vermont called Anthony way

View Larger Map

Where you can buy this frankly terrifying house. It looks like it's seen it's fair share of teenage murders and it's in a town called Killington. I'm fairly sure if I were to meet any of these people or visit this place the world would end. Only fairly sure though. Anyway this is all abit pointless as they are all Anthonys and I am 100% a Tony, it's written on my Pheonix Club membership card and everything.

Monkey what? Ah that's where it's from...

2009-04-16T18:55:00.003+01:00

All day today I have had the phrase 'monkey spunk moped' going around my brain, but could not work out where it was from. I knew it was something i had either seen or read many moons ago. Good old Wikipedia, they know:

Monkey Spunk Moped Wiki Result

And good old Viz, for creating a one off character which has somehow stayed in my brain for all this time. Trying to find some artwork from it, but I can't find any on the net. Anyone?

For now here is a picture of my favourite one off Viz character, Doctor Poo

Bee Bee Sea For

2009-04-16T00:32:00.003+01:00

I love BBC 4, I really do. I'm watching it right now and it's brilliant. I really, really like it. It's like Radio 4, but for the eyes as well as not for the eyes. Tony Blackburn is on it right now and it's great. I've never met anyone that doesn't think that it's a good thing and I don't think I ever want to. Even the fashion season they did (which was boring) was brilliant. I really quite like it.

I made this...

2009-04-09T18:11:00.003+01:00

Breathe through your nose man!

He does breathe a lot doesn't he?

C U Next Tuesday

2009-03-31T19:28:00.004+01:00

If you type 'absolute c*nt' into google images (minus my censoring), then click search, the first picture that pops up is this one:

The internet has spoken and I for one am listening.

Apples and Carstairs

2009-03-04T13:00:00.003Z

Everyone should read this book:

Simply the best book ever written, this is the back cover blurb (I have written this out exactly as it appears on the back cover):

The Big Needle

"Apples loves money and beautiful women. And he has plenty of both.

He is tough, too.

When his young daughter is dying from a heroin overdose Apples does not hunt the local pusher. . . that's not his style.

He goes for the top man. Mr Big H.

In a frightening thirst for vengeance, Apples pits himself and his two lovers, Lady Annabel and Babs, against the brutal thugs operating a multi-million pound drug racket in London and Marseilles.

Violence, sex and knife-edge wheeling and dealing all come their way in this tense, non-stop thriller of relentless revenge.

But that's Apples' way of life.

THAT'S HIS STYLE...."

Yes the main character is called Apples Carstairs, yes he has two lovers who both share his bed at the same time and yes one of them is called Babs. Best book ever? Discuss. . . . It's certainly good value, I've had it in my possession for over a year and I still haven't finished it.

Famous Dracula

2009-03-01T17:37:00.004Z

Here is a little sketch I made with my good friend Steve for funny or die:

Famous Dracula - watch more funny videos

Thanks to the funny or die team for filming it and getting us a location.

On another note, with all the recent Oscar madness and the press obbsession with the big hitters it's very easy to forget the smaller films which were up for the less well reported statues. Animation, foriegn language, hair, so here is a link to the winner of this years *Short Film Oscar*
Simply, a triumph.

Swearing for scuba divers

2009-02-18T01:09:00.006Z

The American Method:

The British Method:

Which is the best and why?

...to the stars

2009-02-15T23:11:00.004Z

Want to get into showbiz? Need representation? Well here's you man:

Cliff Diddles

Look what he did for Sidney Cartwright:

Dare to dream...

Twat

2009-02-13T19:01:00.003Z

Ever searched for something on google only for the top few answers to be nothing to do with the search terms just a site that has some how put the words you searched for into itself? Say you search, for example 'Gary Glitter' it could come up with 'find movies starring Gary Glitter' or 'The Gary Glitter way to a slimmer figure'.
So I typed 'Absolute Twat' and got this as the first result:

Search Result

Childish? Yes

A wonderfully, brilliant, waste of time...

2009-02-13T18:56:00.001Z

Well good man.

UFO

2009-02-11T19:24:00.003Z

I must be missing my home town of Wickford as I seem to find myself googling the old place quite a bit at the moment. Lucky I did as there was a UFO spotted there:

Wickford UFO report

It's a shame that the publishing of photographic proof of the UFO's existence will have to wait until the spotter in question can find their camera phone USB lead. So what was flying in that thing? Archbishop Chrysostomos has the answers:

So that is that, demons, who'd of thunk it?

Wickford

2009-02-09T12:36:00.004Z

I found this video on youtube. It's footage of my home town, Wickford set to some unsuitable music. Note the large amount of charity shops, tanning salons and nail bars.

The nightclub which is boarded up must hold the world record for amount of name changes and firebombings.

Rats!

2009-02-06T13:42:00.002Z

Well I never:

*Giant inflatable rat has free speech rights*

About time I say

Oh by the way I am now on twitter with the user name - tonypaulway, which is handy as that is my name

I've been papped

2009-02-05T14:31:00.004Z

Click title to see pictures. I genuinely had no idea they were being taken. Very weird. Now I know how Gary Glitter feels. If they had waited a few weeks I was in that exact same spot talking to Sir Paul McCartney, which I'm sure would've made a better shot. Thankfully I am unfamous enough for no papers to actually buy and print these.

Best news story ever

2009-01-28T13:15:00.008Z

My favourite news item in a very long time. "Anything, but funny" - I don't think so.
Didn't something similar happen to Principle Skinner in an episode of The Simpsons?
Thanks to GLinner for twittering this to my attention.

It's been a long time

2008-12-01T02:04:00.003Z

I have just noticed that I managed to not post anything on here for the whole of Novenber. For this, I am deeply sorry. Why have I decided to post now at two something am, on a sunday night (Monday morning)? Well the complete lack of doing anything at all, all day, at all, has left me unable to sleep. Plus I'm still too full of pork to sleep.

I promise to come here more often in the future

As an apology here is a video of Nazi cat, which there seem to be a scary amount of on youtube:

Animals do the funniest things. Just not that one.

Sinister Puppet submission & Jackson movie madness

2008-10-16T16:11:00.007+01:00

A sinister puppet video has been sent to me from Ruth (thank you Ruth). This has the added bonus of being very funny as well as deeply sinister.

Keep them coming. If I get enough sent to me, I may build some sort trophy to send to the winner. There is no closing date for this informal puppet contest. I'm no Ringo Starr, you can all send me as much stuff as you want, for as long as you want.
Peace and Love, peace and love.

On another note, I've just, thanks to my good friend Steve, watched 'The Man In The Mirror - The Michael Jackson Story'. It is simply unbelievable. Best scene for me was Michael's dad having a meeting with Michael and his mother. How did they show us, the viewers, that his was dad maybe a bit overbearing and evil?
He spent the whole scene polishing an Uzi. Subtle.
I urge everyone in the world to watch this film.

Ringo Lingo

2008-10-15T11:37:00.003+01:00

So Ringo Starr has asked his fans to stop sending him any more fan mail:

'I'm warning you with peace and love' He says
Well I'm warning Ringo (with peace and love) that saying 'peace' and 'love' throughout the video is not going to stop a lot of your fans now thinking you are a bit of a twat. Surely he must know that he is going to get more letters now than ever.
Ringo, just keep making songs like this:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=W5y956PV8no

And the letters will soon dry up.

The Great Dane - I forgot this existed

2008-10-13T17:03:00.004+01:00

Back in 1999 Manchester United were the most successful team in Europe. Most of that Champions League winning squad went on to great things. They amassed huge personal fortunes, married models, pop stars, had massive advertising deals with world name, cola brands or fashion/sports giants.
This is what Peter Schmeichel did:

I prefer what Peter did.

Sarah Palin - Fictional Character?

2008-09-22T16:16:00.004+01:00

The more I read about would be U.S Vice President Sarah Palin, the more I think she is a fictional character from American sit-com Northern Exposure.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/the_real_american_idol/article1687959.ece

Not one of the main characters mind, one of those larger than life nutjobs who would turn up once or twice a series with some strange ailment and would refuse to take any medicine and would probably wear a polar bear's head as a hat and a pair of dead beavers for gloves, or something.
I don't think that this is a good thing.

It wasn't me . . .

2008-09-18T15:32:00.006+01:00

Spotted this letter in yesterday's The Sun

"Further to your report (Aug 22) about someone who shares my name, lives in the same town and is charged with having sex with a dog. I would like to make it clear that I am not involved in the case in any way. I accept The Sun's apologies for the distress caused to me and my family due to this confusion.
Thomas Matthew Fletcher
Tewkesbury, Gloucs"

So there are two Thomas Matthew Fletchers in Tewkesbury, one a suspected dog fucker, the other, not. Problem is, I still do not know which one is or is not. The Sun should publish a picture of the innocent party with the words 'Not a suspected dog fucker' written below it. It would look something like this:

Not a suspected dog fucker

I have used a picture of Harrison Ford to make my point absolutely clear.

Sinister Puppet 2

2008-09-17T12:45:00.005+01:00

Hold on, I've just seen this one. A possible new number one sinister puppet:

Simply terrifying.

If you think you have found a more sinister puppet, then post it here. Let's have ourselves an informal sinister puppet competition, like the good old days.

Sinister Puppet

2008-09-17T12:38:00.001+01:00

The award for most sinister puppet goes to, Scary Billy

Sausage and Spice

2008-09-15T13:29:00.005+01:00

There are so few details in this report, which makes it all the stranger that they felt it important to report that the attacker has no listed telephone number.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_sausage_attack;_ylt=AveLSCi_bhKRNn1JorayK9ntiBIF

'The sausage and Spice attacker', it has a romantic ring to it. Pity that he's probably severely mentally unwell.

On another note, forget tired childhood confectionary nostalgia. This is the future:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080912/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_germany_drugs;_ylt=AielQ4UtX.I50c_YNqQnRkrtiBIF

(Sings) Funny news, funny news, everyone likes to hear funny news, yeah!

Did anyone see Noel's HQ on Sky One? Bit strange wasn't it.

Real name Paul Gadd

2008-09-03T11:07:00.004+01:00

Just spotted this on The Sun website, they have dubbed Gary Glitter's recent travels as, 'Gary Glitter's World Tour'.

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/article1592815.ece

For dates and venues see the sex offenders register.

I have also been reading a lot about the Large Hadron Collider experiment:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider

Soon to be up and running on the French/Swiss border. It's been in every paper, with posh pictures and diagrams a plenty (the graphics departments must have been on an all-nighter). It all sounds very exciting, but I won't pretend that I can understand a millionth of it. So i will go with what The Sun has decided it all means:

"End of the world due in nine days"

This is much easier to understand, because as we all know, if you unscrew your belly-button, then your bum will drop off. Take a look at their 'Doomsday Experiment' theory here:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/article1630897.ece

It's worth a look for the rather dramatic picture of a black hole alone.

Other important news from The Sun:

"Drunk Lily tells Sir Elton to 'f*** off'"

Good.

It's just an armpit!

2008-09-01T12:27:00.005+01:00

I have just found out I am to be the voice of a grumpy, puppet armpit.
No change there, some might say. Some change there, i do say.

More news on this exciting development as it comes in.

Odd new stench from Bold infusions

2008-09-01T11:10:00.006+01:00

Another day, another smell for your washed clothes from Bold:
White Diamond and Lotus Flowers?!?!
White Diamond!?!?
The smell of one diamond!?!?
Diamond smell!?!?
I think that the lotus flowers' aroma may overpower the diamond smell a bit. I've got a new one for Bold; 'The smell of confusion emitting from a television advert viewer as he/she tries in vain to work out what a diamond smells like'.
Might put this in as a suggestion for Walkers new think of a crisp flavour competition thing, but with the word diamond replaced with Gary Lineker. Surely that's worth fifty grand of any crisp companies money.

Suggest a flavour here: www.walkers.co.uk

Lots of people have already suggested 'Wet Dog' flavour. I've already suggested 'Maths' so don't try to copy me.

And if anyone does know what a diamond smells like, please do tell me. I suppose it must smell of something.

Thinking about Hitler - found a mental

2008-08-29T17:23:00.000+01:00

My last post got me thinking about hitler (as i often do), So i typed Hitler into youtube and not too far down the list I found this:

Not sure i entirely agree with the shouty man, but he has managed toedit two peices of crowd footage next to each other so, you know, maybe he has a point.
Why is it always the left (ish) leaning politicians who get compared to Hitler. Didn't someone compare Tony Blair's Third way with the Third Reich some years ago? Who am i asking? Pah. . . .

On another note . . . .

2008-08-29T16:02:00.000+01:00

Chaplin or Hitler?

Glitter baiting re-starts in earnest

2008-08-29T15:24:00.000+01:00

The Sun's reports on Gary Glitter's release and return to Britain this week have had me captivated. They seem to love all of this a bit too much. My favourite avenue of journalism they have delved down is a handy pictorial guide to the 'Faces of a paedo'. This was the Sun's way of helping us spot Glitter in the various 'disguises' he takes on, like he is a glam rock version of the shape-shifting cyborg in Terminator 2. It even seems to claim that his famous 1972 big hair and sparkly jumpsuit combo was some kind of cunning paedo camouflage, hardly inconspicuous. In fact all of his many clever disguises (4) seem a little rubbish - bright red bandanna, black rimmed glasses and long, wispy goatee being his least likely look to help him blend in.

Well disguised or not, Glitter is going to be found where ever he tries to hide. The tabloid press scrum are making sure of that, as they chase him around the country, from bolt-hole to bolt-hole, like a frenzied, underfed pack of camera nosed hounds, chasing a bisto covered fox with legs made of chum and goose fat.