Facial Flex - Just what the world needs

"And you're going to feel it Karen, from your eye, all the way to your bra-line."



Suzie loves that it works her cheek area and her temple area, pity it hasn't worked her brain area. Hello!

This Morning, this morning

What I just saw/heard on ITV1's This Morning at about 11.20 am:

FERN
"Next, we meet the girl who is turning to stone, well not really, she's just growing an extra skeleton"

I wish I was paid to speak sentences like that on daytime TV. Why would you leave?

The oddest email in my spam folder

I have just found this very odd email in my spam folder. I have cut and paste it here exactly as I received it:

Christian Sex Questions - Most Commmon

Peteet to me
show details 2:18 PM (4 hours ago) Reply

To remember it. That's all. I thinkthat is when the same
applies to mr. Spragg. He too had the.

Christian Sex Questions - Most Commmon Learn more

Always at hand fuel is not required in this warm she saw
a gentleman hasten across the churchyard, carried from sidon,
what time the broad seapath attire which in the hurried
departure had been the names of people mrs. Oliver had written
nice must jump like so many grasshoppers. It took us diamond!
the selfmade man! The social climber! Him thoughtfully.
the old butler looked white women's and little children's
by preference, being it was not credible that by pure chance
she should extra dances. He said as tenderly as he could,
contrary to my poor but earnest counsel, to rais

And that's it. I was very intrigued so i clicked where it said learn more and found that it was a link to a site which sells sex drugs. This email must be the most ambiguous and un-targeted way to advertise Viagra and penis enlargements that I have ever seen. And I've seen a lot.

Twat

Ever searched for something on google only for the top few answers to be nothing to do with the search terms just a site that has some how put the words you searched for into itself? Say you search, for example 'Gary Glitter' it could come up with 'find movies starring Gary Glitter' or 'The Gary Glitter way to a slimmer figure'.
So I typed 'Absolute Twat' and got this as the first result:

Search Result

Childish? Yes

UFO

I must be missing my home town of Wickford as I seem to find myself googling the old place quite a bit at the moment. Lucky I did as there was a UFO spotted there:

Wickford UFO report

It's a shame that the publishing of photographic proof of the UFO's existence will have to wait until the spotter in question can find their camera phone USB lead. So what was flying in that thing? Archbishop Chrysostomos has the answers:



So that is that, demons, who'd of thunk it?

Real name Paul Gadd

Just spotted this on The Sun website, they have dubbed Gary Glitter's recent travels as, 'Gary Glitter's World Tour'.

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/article1592815.ece

For dates and venues see the sex offenders register.

I have also been reading a lot about the Large Hadron Collider experiment:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider

Soon to be up and running on the French/Swiss border. It's been in every paper, with posh pictures and diagrams a plenty (the graphics departments must have been on an all-nighter). It all sounds very exciting, but I won't pretend that I can understand a millionth of it. So i will go with what The Sun has decided it all means:

"End of the world due in nine days"

This is much easier to understand, because as we all know, if you unscrew your belly-button, then your bum will drop off. Take a look at their 'Doomsday Experiment' theory here:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/article1630897.ece

It's worth a look for the rather dramatic picture of a black hole alone.

Other important news from The Sun:

"Drunk Lily tells Sir Elton to 'f*** off'"

Good.